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Sunday, February 14, 2016

The End of a "Perfect" Marriage

Mary and I were college sweethearts and we married on May 13, 1984.  Our three daughters are now 29, 26 and 24.  To many, including us, it seemed we had the perfect marriage.  We were told that our relationship has been an inspiration to others.

So, it came as a complete shock to me earlier this winter when Mary told me she wanted to end our marriage.  After hearing the reasons, and bearing all the emotional turmoil that goes with a breakup, I still couldn't understand why, and I was looking for ways to rescue our marriage.  I have been to counseling.  I have talked with friends and family.  Mary and I have had extensive conversations.  Much of what is between us will remain private, but the "public" part of it is that we have simply grown apart.  Grown apart, in terms of common interests and future goals in life.

There is no animosity between us.  We talk like we are the great, old friends that we are.  We laugh and tell jokes to each other.  We have common interest in our three daughters and their friends and family.  But the bond to maintain a marriage just isn't there anymore.  It's a tough fact to accept and it's sad.  We can't dwell on the past and what might have been.  We are both excited about new plans for ourselves.

Obviously it has not been completely smooth sailing.  This weekend has been particularly hard, because it's Valentines Day weekend and that's when Mary moved to her new apartment.  She also had the misfortune of two cardiac arrests.  For those who are unaware, Mary is a survivor of multiple cardiac arrests.  She has an ICD which shocks her if and when she has one, and a pacemaker which overall keeps her heart rhythm normal.  At first, I was convinced she was going into what they called a "v-fib storm," which she had two years ago.  That was caused by a prescription she should not have been taking.  This time, it appears that the stress of the past several weeks or months caught up with her.  They have adjusted her heart meds and she is currently being monitored.  So far, all looks good.  Assuming it stays good, she will go home tomorrow.  (I always like to stress that a cardiac arrest is NOT a heart attack.  If you don't know the difference, please google it.)

So, it's been a rough weekend for both of us, but we are enduring it and  moving on.  I VERY MUCH appreciate all the nice comments I've been getting from friends and family.

For the record, I am planning to keep the house we just purchased last summer.  Mary is the one who wanted to move out, and she has a nice, new apartment that she is excited about.  Easy to take care of, low on the stress.

I love my bus driving job and hope to keep it, but admittedly it does not pay a lot.  I am exploring ways to either increase my income or switch to a different, higher paying job if it becomes necessary.  My wedding officiating business is going VERY well.  It's not enough to live on, but hopefully that plus bus driving and one more income source will take care of me.

Is it ironic for a guy who officiates weddings to be going through a marriage breakup?  No, not at all.  In fact, I've learned things from my own experience that can help others in their marriages.  I'm not a counselor, so I can't give pre-marital counseling, but I can definitely give some tips to new couples.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  I can't predict what the future will hold and whether we'd ever get back together again, so for now, we are planning our separate lives.

Thank you again for all your support.

13 comments:

  1. Thanks for posting this Paul. It's a great blog and explains everything well your about your situation. God Bless you and Mary.

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  2. I am so sorry that you and Mary broke up... It was really nice that you have posted this blog about what is going on with you... I am hoping and praying for what ever is best for the two of you...May GOD bless you and Mary <3

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    1. Thank you. (I don't recognize the name Blueyegirl so I'm not sure who you are)

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  3. Thanks for sharing, I'm sure this is a very challenging time, but you are definitely approaching it the right way.

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  4. ANYONE who has been married for a long time can certainly understand this. Its nice to hear civility ptevails here.
    Better to be from a broken relationship than to be living in one....
    Hugs, and i hope what lies ahead is sunny!

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  5. Hugs to both of you. Blessings for peace.

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  6. Much love and lots of prayer for you both. I'm sorry to hear this.

    From Truly Judy!!

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  7. Oh gosh.. This arrives as a completely unexpected happening. Let me express my gratitude for our times together. I simply want you to be aware that my daily prayers will petition the good Lord on behalf of you and Mary.

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  8. Thank you. Your name is posted as "Unknown" so I don't know who posted this. But thank you .

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